Trigger part 3!

So today's is as dark as my very first one. Could this be? Is my precious miracle here finally? Have my prayers and dreams come true? Oh I hope so.. Digital is negative?!

Testing out the trigger part 2!

I am currently on iui #2, letrozole 5mg. I triggered Ovidrel 250mcg. Today is 9dpiui, 10dpo, 11dptrigger. These are my photos that have confused me emmensly.. 😕

Testing out the trigger!

It's been a long time bloggers and I promise to update you more. I've been testing out my trigger and a currently 10dptrig 9dpo 8dpiui and I wanted to share my tests. This morning my test was a lot darker than the last 2! Opinions welcomed!!

Back from the RE

Well,

 I'm  more than overwhelmed. If anyone is in the St. Louis area, I know who to refer you to. This man is wonderful. I've never felt so hopeful. He looked over my years of medical history and came up with a plan! He believes I have PCOS and have a decent chance at pregnancy! 

I am inducing my period and starting letrozole(femara) 3-7 if I don't ov on my own they will trigger, then I'm doing IUI. 

He ever wrote down 2 more plans incase 3 cycles of IUI doesn't work! 

I started crying, I couldn't help it. He said "when you get pregnant, you'll see me first then your new OB" and I couldn't hold back. I'm forever grateful for how thoughtful he was and I truly feel like one day I will be a mommy! 

New Attitude, New Hope

Hello everyone. I have decided to keep blogging. I've been very down and have continued to get bad news. Here are my updates since I last posted. 

Bad News:

My GYN told me that due to me ovulating  on Clomid and not getting pregnant on metformin, that it's likely I don't have PCOS. She checked back on my insulin levels and they were never out of place, so she took me off Met. She referred me to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) 2 hours away. She believes I have endometriosis alone or along with pcos.  Her reasoning was I told her that sex hurts me. It always has. I've never truly enjoyed sex and it's something I've been ashamed about and almost felt normal. I decided to speak out and along with the other symptoms I have (painful bowel movements, extreme ovary pain randomly, infertility) it has led to possible endo. 

That was terrible news. I have never had surgery, and am terrified of it.. But in order to properly diagnose endo, a laroscopy must be done. How truly terrifying.. 

Since the news, I have been eagerly awaiting the REs diagnosis. I am currently CD 65 today. I decided to not use provera and wait until the RE so he can start with a fresh cycle. I am hopeful that it is neither pcos or endo and honestly.. I don't know what. I am fighting demons to stay positive. 

Good News:

My insurance (after a whopping $4000 deductible) covers my infertility, IUI, laroscopy and IVF. But just one treatment would easily knock out my ded and pocket max, so yay! 

So here I am. In the passenger seat, husband driving, 2 hours away.. To see a man who is going to make my dreams come true.. Or so I hope. I am nauseous, have terrible gas and am super cranky. I don't know whether to cry or laugh. The emotions are a roller coaster today. I took a PG yesterday and it was BFN so I'm hoping for a birthday BFP (3/27) 

Anyway, I am back! This is my story to tell and I want to educate women my age. If you ever plan on wanting kids, make sure you are heathy now. I'm not saying start trying, but know you're options because I see so many women in their late 20s and early 30s just getting off b/c and finding out it may take years to get pregnant. 

Know your health and body! Our egg reserve starts dropping at 25 and continues to drop until menopause. That is not saying a 28 year old can't get pregnant. Most people have no problem but I am 1%. Honestly, I believe those numbers are WRONG. So many women are ashamed to talk about infertility. It's real and it needs attention. It's my silent little parrot always sitting on my shoulder. Pointing out every shining belly, little stroller, diaper ad, pregnancy test, baby giggle, family. And every single one hurts a little more. But I know that this:

The one thing that hurts me the worst: will, one day, make me the happiest I've ever been. 

My husband said that to me. And it's true. So here I am today. With hope I don't think I ever lost. It was buried but now I'm back and I'm going to fight harder than ever. Because we are fighters      

We have been chosen to take this journey because we CAN handle it. We are strong and beautiful and loved. 

Stay positive my sisters ❤️

Goodbye

I This is it. I've thrown away my thermometer. All my tests. My vitamins. My hope. I'm done. I can't handle the false hope any longer. My temp dropped. Another negative and a bad dream. 2 years of trying and I'm done. We're done. I guess I was never meant to have a child of my own. I have my dogs. Maybe I'll go put my time back into the world. Go volunteer somewhere. I have a lot of love to give. Thank you all for following me and supporting me. 

Merry Christmas and Baby Dust! 

Update from Tests

The performed the "water test" on both tests. If you are unaware of what that means then let me explain. Peeonastickfreak.com stated that in order to determine if an evap is just that or a BFP, she/they put water on a dry test and let the urine wash away. After the water ran through the test the "evap" was gone, hence it being an evap but a true BFP stays or gets darker. These are my results.