Goodbye

I This is it. I've thrown away my thermometer. All my tests. My vitamins. My hope. I'm done. I can't handle the false hope any longer. My temp dropped. Another negative and a bad dream. 2 years of trying and I'm done. We're done. I guess I was never meant to have a child of my own. I have my dogs. Maybe I'll go put my time back into the world. Go volunteer somewhere. I have a lot of love to give. Thank you all for following me and supporting me. 

Merry Christmas and Baby Dust! 

Update from Tests

The performed the "water test" on both tests. If you are unaware of what that means then let me explain. Peeonastickfreak.com stated that in order to determine if an evap is just that or a BFP, she/they put water on a dry test and let the urine wash away. After the water ran through the test the "evap" was gone, hence it being an evap but a true BFP stays or gets darker. These are my results. 

Hilarious!

Oh my god!! I was talking to my husband today about a woman I am following and her POAS addiction. He said "you mean other people are like you" He seriously thought I was just a crazy lady staring at my charts, hpts and forums all day. I then showed him all the forums, pregnancy test questions, blogs, charts.. Etc and he was shocked. I laughed so hard! 

Compare

The top photo is the exact same brand of test I took last cycle, which had to be negative. Underneath is this cycle. 

This cycle 

9DPO test at 15m

This picture is taken 5 minutes after the allowed time. This is the worst part. I see a line, don't you? The only difference is the test is taken apart. In my opinion, the cheap Rexall tests have a thick "result" window and it prevents seeing the result well. This is what you see now. 

9DPO Test

So, I took a test today and at 6DPO. I'm going to say this with full confidence. Every test you take will have an evaporation line after the allotted time in the instructions. Normally 10minutes. I am a POAS addict and I always keep my tests for days. Atleast 80% of my tests turn up "positive" after 24hours. The dipstick test I took at 6dpo. At that time it had no line. Now it has a faint one. I am also posting the HPT I took this morning. Picture taken within 10m. I will also update how the test dries out to give an evap. 

6DPO

9DPO

8DPO

Today, I am 8DPO. I had my first ever LP dip at 7DPO with outstanding high temps this cycle. I caved and took an HPT this morning with the faintest line, but clumsy me dropped it in the sink and it was submerged in water so I couldn't stare at it anymore. I think it's a blessing! Anyway, I've been sleeping all day for the past couple days, very tired. The cramping has gone away, I have practically no symptoms anymore! Which worries me, maybe I am out? This is my chart today, 

Looking good right?! Unfortunately, I can have all the signs, symptoms and temps indication pregnancy and it mean nothing.. It's all just a waiting game. Tomorrow will bring the chances of a BFP to a nice 30%. I'm going to test anyway, because I'm anxious and cautiously excited! 

Prayers please ladies! 

🙏🏻

6DPO Cycle 6

Starting Cycle November 10, Ovulation November 29, currently 6dpo. 

This is my current chart. As you see, it is extremely different from every other one. I feel pregnant, again.. This is how I have felt so far

1DPO - itchy nips, nausea

2DPO - achy, sore nips, nausea

3DPO - sore nips, cramps 

4DPO - dizzy spells, burning nips

5DPO - tight pulling in uterus, cramps

6DPO - heavy feeling, itchy nips, fuller bbs, headache, cranky, AF cramps, uterus/ovaries pull with every step/bend

I feel very pregnant needless to say. I am so excited that I'm scared, it's weird. I am taking a super early HPT tomorrow because I am going nuts. I have never been so stressed lately. I'm really hoping this is it. 

November Complete Chart

This chart shows my temps through one cycle. The red in the middle (10dpo-16dpo) is my "period". See how my temps do not dip below my cover line but get higher. 

Confusion

Hello! 

It's been awhile. I had a long relaxing weekend during AF. It was a weird and short 6 day bleed. My temp today spiked high, which isn't normal after AF. To be honest, I messed around and combined last cycle with this, and I didn't go below my cover line at all.. I didn't before, during of after "AF". Very odd. So I took a HPT! I see a faint line.  What?! I get up at 230 every morning, pee, get a drink, then go back to bed. I took this test at 6am. My urine was light yellow.. Probably should have waited. But here it is! Tell me what you think! It is , grossly, right where the hair is. 😖

Friday the 13!

Good morning my beauties!

Today I feel great, even though it is FRIDAY THE 13!

 I woke up and decided to make breakfast, which I normally skip. I made a delicious omelet. I am pending taking my 1st Metformin, I try to take 1000mg a day but after the first day of 1000mg, the nausea is HORRENDOUS! I am hoping my hearty breakfast will reduce the nausea. My vision was terrible last night, which doesn't surprise me. Clomid always takes my vision for granted! My back is still killing me, I suppose that is what happens during AF! Learning something new everyday!

I also started a couple new blogs about my life, my disorder and dogs!

Thanks for stopping by!

Clomid day 1

I just took clomid for the 4th cycle. I hate it. My vision is very important to me, and it always makes me feel blurred. I'm entering this cycle hopeful but scared. A mountain of pain is worth an ounce of joy. 

You rang?

Good morning everyone! I woke up to a call from the doc today. She told me that it's good news I started on my own, despite how bad it hurt. So, the next step is to figure out what I am doing this cycle. Clomid? Herbs? Acupuncture? I have to make a decision by tonight. Either way, here we go!

Cycle Day 2

Today is CD 2 if this bleeding is AF. If you check out my November FF chart you can see where I did indeed ovulate. From all the charts I have ever done, I never start my period this early.. if ever on my own. Today would be 11 DPO, which means I started bleeding at 10 DPO, very unusual. I originally thought it to be IB (implantation bleeding) but from today's heavy flow.. I am thinking Aunt Flow decided she wanted to rudely interrupt my hopeful 2ww. :( UGH! This cycle has left me distraught and discouraged. I am going to a consultation next cycle with a Chinese Acupuncturist. Hoping that I will never go to "next cycle". If my GYN allows it, I will do one more cycle of 50mg clomid and 1000mg metformin.. if she ever calls me back about my prescription.. 

I digress.. Today should be a celebration! I did indeed start AF on my own, hooray! Hopefully this is just another step towards our little hope turning into a reality.  

Introduction

Hello Everyone! My name is Helena. Introductions are always a bit boring.. but they are necessary. This blog is about our journey struggling to conceive with PCOS. To make this not seem like a long paragraph I decided to do bullet points.

• Dropped BC at 16
• Diagnosed with PCOS at 18
• Actively TTC at 18
• Charting/Temping at 18
• TTC naturally with no meds from 18-22
• Started Metformin 500mg and Clomid 50mg CD 3-7 at 22
• 3 months of Clomid 50,50,20 OV successful, no BFP

Charting with:

• Kindara (see images for latest chart)
• Fertility Friend November Chart

Youtube Vblog