Hello everyone. I have decided to keep blogging. I've been very down and have continued to get bad news. Here are my updates since I last posted.
Bad News:
My GYN told me that due to me ovulating on Clomid and not getting pregnant on metformin, that it's likely I don't have PCOS. She checked back on my insulin levels and they were never out of place, so she took me off Met. She referred me to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist) 2 hours away. She believes I have endometriosis alone or along with pcos. Her reasoning was I told her that sex hurts me. It always has. I've never truly enjoyed sex and it's something I've been ashamed about and almost felt normal. I decided to speak out and along with the other symptoms I have (painful bowel movements, extreme ovary pain randomly, infertility) it has led to possible endo.
That was terrible news. I have never had surgery, and am terrified of it.. But in order to properly diagnose endo, a laroscopy must be done. How truly terrifying..
Since the news, I have been eagerly awaiting the REs diagnosis. I am currently CD 65 today. I decided to not use provera and wait until the RE so he can start with a fresh cycle. I am hopeful that it is neither pcos or endo and honestly.. I don't know what. I am fighting demons to stay positive.
Good News:
My insurance (after a whopping $4000 deductible) covers my infertility, IUI, laroscopy and IVF. But just one treatment would easily knock out my ded and pocket max, so yay!
So here I am. In the passenger seat, husband driving, 2 hours away.. To see a man who is going to make my dreams come true.. Or so I hope. I am nauseous, have terrible gas and am super cranky. I don't know whether to cry or laugh. The emotions are a roller coaster today. I took a PG yesterday and it was BFN so I'm hoping for a birthday BFP (3/27)
Anyway, I am back! This is my story to tell and I want to educate women my age. If you ever plan on wanting kids, make sure you are heathy now. I'm not saying start trying, but know you're options because I see so many women in their late 20s and early 30s just getting off b/c and finding out it may take years to get pregnant.
Know your health and body! Our egg reserve starts dropping at 25 and continues to drop until menopause. That is not saying a 28 year old can't get pregnant. Most people have no problem but I am 1%. Honestly, I believe those numbers are WRONG. So many women are ashamed to talk about infertility. It's real and it needs attention. It's my silent little parrot always sitting on my shoulder. Pointing out every shining belly, little stroller, diaper ad, pregnancy test, baby giggle, family. And every single one hurts a little more. But I know that this:
The one thing that hurts me the worst: will, one day, make me the happiest I've ever been.
My husband said that to me. And it's true. So here I am today. With hope I don't think I ever lost. It was buried but now I'm back and I'm going to fight harder than ever. Because we are fighters
We have been chosen to take this journey because we CAN handle it. We are strong and beautiful and loved.
Stay positive my sisters ❤️
